Unconditional Hope

December 31 – Core Story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

At the core of me is simply unconditional hope. I’m not sure where in my life hope became such a central part of my core being but I pretty much live and breathe it. I have hope in others, even when they don’t have any in themselves, I have hope in myself – that I can be better & do better and I have hope that the best is yet to come.

Sometimes I think hope has manifested in my heart specifically to share it with others. As I watch friends and family go through the ups and downs of life, I love when they come to me to talk about it. It gives me the opportunity to try and put hope in their hearts and even if they can’t find hope in the situation, I know that I have enough hope for the both of us.

I have to confess though, before Reverb10, I had lost a little hope in my writing abilities. I started this project on a bit of a whim - the concept was intriguing and I definitely always love a good challenge. I had put an end to my blog a few months prior, and I really closed myself off from writing in general. But as time went on, and I was presented with more and more prompts, I realize Reverb10 has given me the desire to write again. Hope has been restored in my writing capabilities and for that, I am truly grateful.

Happy New Year and thank you, Reverb10!

Pose for the Camera

December 25th: Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.
When we were in San Francisco, all I wanted to do was rent bikes and sing "In the Summertime" by Jerry Mungo. So, we did. We got bikes down at Fisherman's Wharf and biked all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge, over the bridge, and down to Sausalito. This picture was taken by a complete stranger on the very first take. We couldn't believe it ourselves. Absolute perfection!

I think this image reveals a few different things about me. I think it shows being fun & adventurous, as well someone who follows their dreams. If you read in my post about traveling, I've wanted to go to California my entire life and I finally made it happen.

It's not just about who I am currently, but it will be a constant reminder to never let my dreams go, be more adventurous, and do absolutely everything I can to live my life & not hold back.

Everything's Gonna Be Alright

December 24 Prompt – Everything’s OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

Not to beat a dead horse, but honestly the best moment of 2010 that showed me everything is going to be alright was when I got my new job. There were plenty of times that I questioned why things weren't happening right when I wanted to. It feels like the right moment to me at that specific time, but I realize now that there are so many other pieces that have to fall into place before the silver lining comes to show its face.

I think the best way to incorporate this discovery in the year ahead is to try to remind myself when things are tough, that the universe is out there, moving things around & working its magic to make things "alright." And even though it might not happen when I specifically want it to happen, doesn't mean that it won't happen. It just means that there are other things in the works.

New Name? No Thanks.

December 23rd: New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

If you asked me this question when I was younger, I probably would of had an answer. I HATED my name when I was younger. It was too long - to write & to say. But today? I absolutely love my name. It's been in my family for years & I'm proud to have it.

On the Road Again...

December 22 – Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt) {Future Tool: New Year’s Goal Questions for No-Goals Creatives from Jeffrey Davis. For the next 10 days as you round out your year, we’ll share one tool each day to help you [...]

In 2009, I promised myself I would travel more in 2010. I had the travel bug & I didn't want to stop at anything to venture to new places.

All my life I have wanted to go to California. It just so happened that DrupalCon was in San Francisco this past year, so I saved up, grabbed a few friends, and we headed there for a week. I can't remember ever going on a week vacation, anywhere. Even when I was younger and traveled with my family, it was never for a solid week.

The moment I stepped on the streets of San Francisco, I fell in love. I don't know if you've ever experienced a moment quite like this but I didn't need to go anywhere else, see any destinations, experience the city, I just knew. I just knew that someday, somehow I would live in San Francisco and it is most certainly on my radar now.

In 2010, I also got to visit Austin, TX for a conference at work. I was a little bummed because it was rainy and cold the entire time we were there and there wasn't much time for play with the conference and all. I also got to visit Virginia. I've been to Virginia a few times before but this time was extra special. My best friend got married and it was a beautiful, beautiful time in Virginia when we went.

In 2011, I am going to be going on a cruise with some of my best girlfriends. To where I'm not sure yet, but we know we're definitely going. I am also hoping to visit Arizona to see the Grand Canyon & family, as well as visit North Carolina. I look forward to visiting new places in 2011 & more importantly to creating new memories.

No Regrets

December 20 – Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

Honestly? I have zero regrets about 2010. This has been an absolutely amazing year for me and I am proud and happy to have experienced every little and big thing that happened.

I helped launch LadyBallers, a social network for men & women alike, I landed my dream job, I got back in shape, I traveled, I strengthened relationships, I became more involved in my community, and tons of other things

Of course, I had some fears and worries about my path and where it was leading me and there were definitely some hard moments, but I definitely don’t have any regrets. I had extremely high hopes for 2010 and I am extremely happy with the outcome.

With hard work comes many rewards.

Surprisingly, Reverb10 Is Healing Me

December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

When I read this post, I had nothing. Seriously. Blank, blank, blank! You see, when I think about the word “healed,” I feel like I should have been heartbroken or something. So, for the past couple days, I have been trying to think outside the box about “healing” and what it actually means. And today, it finally hit me. Reverb10 IS healing me right this very minute.

In one of the earlier prompts, I wrote about eliminating the fear of writing. Fear of what other people think and the fear of digging deeper into my emotions and just putting it all out there. I have been actively avoiding writing and not just on my personal blog. I’ve been avoiding writing on other blogs that I contribute to as well and I honestly didn’t even realize it until now.

When I first decided to participate in Reverb10, I thought of it as more of a neat way to reflect on an amazing 2010 and less of a “task.” Not only have I been able to reflect, but I've noticed I am more free with what I write and less hesitant to say what I truly feel. Healing is a process and I don't think I'm 100% there, but I'm definitely on my way.

Making Rifts in My World

December 16 – Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)

I think it's really easy to get caught up in the moment sometimes. So easy that you don't always see you're being treated unfairly or badly. You get sucked up in this little whirlwind or you find an easy way to justify the situation or the way someone treated you.

With that being said, I don't think any one friend has changed my perspective on the world as a whole per se, but has changed the perspective on my world. This friend (let's call her Julia) and I share a mutual friend (say Maggie) that we both love and care for very much. However, sometimes Maggie can do things and say things that I often find myself justifying in my head...

She said ____ because she's going through a rough time & is really stressed.
She canceled on me because she hasn't see _____ in a few days.

Etc...etc...

When I see Maggie treat Julia this way, I get upset that Julia never says anything...never stands up for herself. She just lets Maggie do whatever she wants. It wasn't until the later half of the year that I realized she does the same thing to me, and I react the same way Julia does. It's helped me step out of those moments I get so easily caught up in and it changes my perspective about Maggie & helps me realize that it's not acceptable to treat people that way.

It's Not Always About the Big Goals

December 13 – Action When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)

The past year was definitely about making BIG steps towards my goals. I was on a fast-paced train and I was doing whatever I needed to do to get to where I wanted to be. However, I feel as though my 2011 is going to be quite different from my 2010 whirlwind. It's going to be full of reaching small goals & taking baby steps towards achieving my bigger goals for the future.

So, for the time being, my focuses of 2011 are to:

• Improve my design & development skills (especially CSS).
• Continue to better my running.
  
• Cultivate & grow friendships.
• Save money.
• Increase my involvement with communities I've already been established with and help them grow.
• Continue spreading positivity.

It might be a small list but there's always room for more. =)

Running = Connected

December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

A couple months ago, when I realized my dieting and exercising hit a plateau, I decided I needed to take it up a notch. I bought one of the Jillian Michaels' videos and I wanted to take my running a bit more serious. You see, I have been running for years but have never really considered myself a true runner. I would run to primarily to get rid of stress and to burn calories but would never push myself to go beyond the 2 or 3 mile mark or push myself to actually improve.

I decided it was time to try endurance training - I had heard many times that it was a great way (if not the only way) to improve in running. So, I started and it was rough to say the least. I was only running at about 5.6 on a treadmill and probably only going a total of 2.5 miles (if even). But I continued to stick to it with the help of my awesome running mentor and I have definitely seen improvements but it wasn't until last week when I realized I felt the most connected to my body when I run.

I find a sign or a landmark to focus all my attention on, I put on my running playlist, and I truly just zone out. All the day's events become completely irrelevant and my mind just goes quiet. I focus solely on my breathing and on the sign/landmark I have chosen for the night, and I just run. On this particular day, I hit 5 miles - something I've actually never done. And the only words that come to mind when I think about this glorious moment are: strong, proud, and connected.

Embracing My "Weirdness"

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

I have heard, "you're so weird" way too many times in my life - more so as I get older. My instinctive response is always, "I know." But the thing is, I don't actually know what I do that makes people think I am so weird/unique/different because I'm simply just being me.

I am incredibly shy but can usually mask it enough to where people don't really notice.
I prefer strawberry jam with my peanut butter.
I always give people the benefit of the doubt even if they don't deserve it.
I make people laugh more when I'm not even trying.
I ask the most ridiculous random questions (and usually at really inappropriate times).
I hate being asked personal questions, but at any given moment, I'm a complete open book.
I'm am obsessed with birds. I truly believe they are the connectors between heaven & earth.
I love giraffes and I want to be one for Halloween next year.
I have reading A.D.D. - I hardly ever finish a book.
I like to sing my sentences or just random words.
I would eat dessert over dinner any day.

If all those things are considered to be "different," then so be it. I think they are beautiful and I will forever embrace it.

Helping Build a Strong Community

December 7 – Community Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

Community played a HUGE role for me in 2010. I realized early on that the only way to grow your network was to become involved online and offline. I established a strong community on Twitter with local people but mainly with people in other states. I have met some really amazing people who have helped me grow throughout the year - whether it was discussing design, development, writing, or even just sports talk, I found people to connect with, learn from, and help.

Although online communities are truly fantastic, I was really able to build my local community here in Orlando too. I'm involved with a few organizations (Florida Drupal, Florida Creatives, LadyBallers, Relay for Life Downtown Orlando, and Yelp) and I have been absolutely amazed by the connections I've gained over this year. I am truly surrounded by wonderful, smart, and talented people. So, it is definitely important for me to stay involved locally and for 2011 and I really want to grow with these communities further. I want to continue to be involved and establish stronger relationships with those I've already met but also spread the word about these great locals.

"Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Tears of Joy Stream Down My Face

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

There has definitely been some incredible moments that happened this year but I have to say that out of all of those moments, there is only one true moment where I felt most alive: The day I was offered a new job.

I had been patiently waiting for an email offering me the position of graphic designer for a new and upcoming company. It was actually one of the first emails I got that day. I remember when I saw the email, I was so beyond nervous to open it. My future was being held captive inside this tiny email and I, Elizabeth Farmer, was actually scared to open it. I remember sending a text message to my my good friend telling him I got the offer letter but that I didn't want to open it. His loving reply? "Don't be ridiculous - just open it." Ha. I truly felt like a little kid on Christmas praying I was opening a present I had so desperately been wanting all year. After opening the email, I realized the present I had been waiting for had finally arrived and it was exactly what I wanted.

I immediately went outside and called my sister. The second she answered the phone, I started to tell her that I got the job when all of a sudden, tears of joy were streaming down my face. Never in my life have I cried tears of joy but as I stood there on the phone with my sister, I felt the release of all that stress and sadness of being caught up in a job that was slowly killing me simply disappear. In the blink of an eye, I realized all my hard work was finally paying off and I was being given a chance of a lifetime.

Makes me smile just thinking about it.

Eliminating the Fear

The blog that I poured my heart and soul into is on a bit of a hiatus as of now. I used to blog pretty regularly. It first started out as a way to just get things off my mind, to clear my head, but as I progressed through my year of growth it quickly became a way to keep my positive mentality alive - a way to take a story, see the lesson inside it, and share it with others. I was on my journey, sharing my life with others, and hopefully bringing some insight to their own. But once I had reached my "big destination" for the year (my new fabulous job), I noticed that the quality of my posts began to decrease. I was blogging just to blog. I wasn't angry anymore, I wasn't in unhappy relationships anymore (for the most part), and I wasn't leading a life of negativity anymore. In fact... I was BEAMING from head-to-toe, but I simply felt like I had nothing to write about anymore.

There was also this thing called: I felt like I had to filter myself for I KNEW who was reading my blog posts. I wanted to dig deeper in my journey, but I was feeling like I had to watch what I said and filter myself. (Ugh...that makes me disappointed in myself.) BUT I kept at it, I tried to block those thoughts, hoping that I was just in a "phase." But empty post after empty post led me to feel like blogging was pointless.

In a last effort, I wrote a post about love. I was going through some stuff in my personal life and I wanted to write about it. It started strong but in the end, it turned out to be short and somewhat "unfinished." And by unfinished, I mean I didn't allow myself to really lay it all out there because I couldn't get past the fear of what others were going to think. After much hesitation, I hit publish anyway. And boy oh boy did that not work so well for me. Shortly after I whore'd out the link (Twitter, Facebook, blah blah), I got a text - a disapproving text - of what I wrote. And you know what I did? I unpublished it without hesitation.

The next day, I closed the chapter on my blog for a while. I couldn't get past these ridiculous mental barriers and I had had enough. I wasn't getting anything out of my own blog anymore and I realized I wasn't blogging FOR me. So, I said farewell (for now) and I honestly haven't thought much about it until I got today's Reverb10 topic:

December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

After reading this, I realized I haven't done much writing, if any at all. This blog... this "Keep Moving Forward" project is the first time I've written since I said goodbye to The Unconventional Geek over a month ago. I have to say, it feels good to write again.

At this point, I do a lot of things that don't contribute to my writing - getting caught up on my DVR, Facebook/Twitter, gym time, hanging out with friends, etc...but it hasn't really mattered because I haven't been writing in general. Of course I can eliminate these things or at least decrease the amount of time spent on them but what I need to eliminate first is allowing the fear of what other people think about my writing get in the way of actually writing.